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Well, it’s over.  A beloved family member has passed into the mystery.  We arrived home Sunday after a month’s worth of complete turmoil - but it was all worth it.  His was a life worth honoring.

Now it’s back to life as I know it.  The herd is fed, and I haven’t started chores yet.  Just sitting here looking at what once was a beautifully cleaned and kept home, now being deteriorated by the same handicap that grips me by the soul.

I had my physical “exams” yesterday - $1780.00 and they had to stop after the first 10 minutes.  Apparently the painless procedure set off a wave of anguish that had me rolling on the table.  The nurse got the doctor, the doctor stopped the exam and referred me to a urology surgeon.  Ha, the sun will go down a few times before I make that appointment.

I am not in the best of moods.  In fact I am in the mood that says spend a lot of money (did that) and then go hang yourself (haven’t done that yet).   Life insurance will cover any payments that might come in and husband would be released to a life of freedom again.  Freedom.  HuH

But first and foremost I’m going to read the scads of e-mails that piled up and see if I can pull myself out of thisl  I dont’ get here often, usually I just sulk and get quiet, but it’s spilling out the top of the teapot in spurts and the only one getting burned is me.  Isn’t that always the way.

I wonder if there is a Heaven (can’t be a hell, that would be too cruel) for those of us wanting to short circuit the journi.  I would be happy if there was just a blissful nothing, a quiet sleep; just a disapearance from the radar blip of life.

All I have done is let people down lately.  I have two more obligations to go and I will be finished.  Finally.  And as of this date - there is no more “yes” to my vocabulary.   In the meantime, dashing along with Prancer and Vixen, I wanted to upload my contribution to the 1000 Journal.  While Death may be a part of life - it sure does get in the way of planning for the future!

Posting, of course, is the reference of the title—-you evil thinking friends of mine, LOL.  I am still trying to catch up on much back e-mail and just now have read the permission to post note.  So, I wanted to point you to a very unique and delightful blog as soon as I could.  It is authored by two women and called Knitting Our Way to Peace!  I won’t tell you more - you will have to discover these Gals for yourself!

It was just a couple of years ago - a man was born to grow and find his destiny.

You see here, being honored at his 50th wedding anniversary, a picture of the man everyone called “Happy”.  This is a man who believed in God with all his heart, serving Him for over 40+ years - and a man who believed in YOU without a second thought.

He is now in a coma, after years of fighting Parkinson’s Disease, and the family and doctors agree that it is Happy’s wish and time to “go Home”. So he has been moved to Hospice and his family and loved ones are preparing for his absence in their lives.  Oh, we will grieve our loss, but oh, how we must remember to rejoice in his continued journey and look forward to a time when he tells us all about it; his perspective on the voyage we will all someday take.So just as surely as he was born, he will now pass on to that “other” life - the one so many seem to dispute, but that I just know, with all my heart exists, because it is only from such a place that this Happy man could have come!

So Life is giving us another example why we must live with intent and purpose - and plan for the future, after our time in these human cocoons.  You can’t hurry the cycle, short live it, avoid it, or ignore it (though so many try to) and you certainly shouldn’t FEAR it, OR envy it.  It just …… is.

I will miss Happy, as all of his family will; he is the man that married my husband and I, and that told me to just trust my heart when I, in terror and with last minute nerves, queried my participation in that wedding ceremony.  And while I was in hyper drive, oozing perspiration and panic, ( was I was doing the right thing); all Happy wanted to know was did I love Mikee and would I stay by him beside him through the good, the bad and the ordinary.

I know this man is only of interest to me and mine - but all of us have our special ones and we must not exclude ourselves from this coming reality culture calls “death”.

Do we really want to keep wasting each day wishing it was another.  I lived so long through other peoples’ lives that there came a time,  I honestly didn’t know who I was…….and, in a way, I am still working on it.  And perhaps I’m not finished - perhaps none of us are until our “time”.  I mean, think - why else would we pass at a point when our bodies are more of a burden than a support and our minds have grown with so much information and wisdom - what would be the point, if it were all in vain? And were would all that “Love” go?

But I’m not here to argue God, or the afterlife, or any other subject, but my Happy and these three facts: we are born perfect, we grow wise, and we die (just a word) when it’s our time.  I don’t know about you, but while I thank God each day He continues to let me see the sunrise, even when my body, already broken, rebels and misbehaves, I also look forward to the time after this one, spent in the physical and with much mortal coil, - I can’t wait to see what awaits and to reunite with those already passed that I have missed so much.  But in the meantime:

Live Journi!  Live like you mean it.

I think we should have that phrase tattooed somewhere on our body so we don’t forget in the rush of “doing” and “being” each day.

And when confusion or horror come to us regarding the pain and suffering, or difficulty and violence that passing can sometimes involve - why do we assume it wasn’t as much a struggle for us to be born into this world as it was for our mothers’ bodies to expel, from womb to loving arms, a brand new creation?  It really was, after all, quite worth it.

I love you Happy and I will see you again in a blink of the eye!

Ok - what a weekend I had this past.  Went to the LSSK Knitting retreat and had way too much fun!  For information on the group visit Lone Star Knitters.   I have spent the last two days out on the couch but it was well worth getting to see old friends.

My latest obsession now is obtaining a fiber loom.  I don’t want to use my Mirrix because I use it solely for my bead weaving and the tension and dents get all messed up.  So - hmmmmmmm, it looks like it will be pick a card (credit) and pray for the right brand to purchase.

I am getting more and more organized and ready to start working in earnest tomorrow on my projects.  Of course, the Rainbow afghan that I am crocheting for my nephew’s birthday and started over 8 months ago? is still not finished and he will be One the end of May - I wonder what the psychological need for procrastination is all about ’cause I got it bad!

Nite-Nite all, and have sweet knitting dreams.  Remember to say your prayers or just say “Thank you”!.  A little insurance for the long night ahead and I swear it makes me feel better in the morning!

One more thing - checkout the  Yarn Harlot’s Blog - if you are a Texan she will be in Austin in August.  I have got to go.  I had wanted to go see Debbie Macomber, but I am afraid the harlot wins out for this month’s road trip!

What a wonderful night we had Saturday - Mary, you were precious to host this at your house, and may I respond by saying “Thank you” so much.

What is it that makes us all such good friends?  What is it about groups of the groups of women that I have met that are so special?  Grateful for friendship - greatful for life - GREATFUL THAT WHIBSB retreat is in ONE more day!

This is a blogl for crying out loud - a place I will eventually (and hopefully) express my area of art and *interesting* content -

I have been beating myself up for months because I can’t keep up - keep the Muse going - heck, GET the Muse going -

Then I found this site -

Yeah - that’s the ticket -

This is MY Place

It was a quiet day.  On Saturday’s and Sundays, we have our weekly knitting groups, one meets at the Great Northwest Library from 2-5, today; the other from 2-5, tomorrow - Sunday.  I haven’t been in months due to health and rehabilitation issues and I really thought I would make this one, but — though it didn’t actually rain today, it was cold and gray outside and looked like the heavens could just open at any minute.  Since my little chair rides outside on the back of the car lift, it would have required covering.  At this point it is all that I can do to load and unload my great machine.  Ahhh, well - there will be a time in the future when I will have this down perfect and will be able to do the loading and unloading with a minimum of standing on my forearms crutches.  Patience Journi - - Patience. It will all come as it should!

So instead of doing as I planned with my day, I did what my body wanted - I slept most of the afternoon.  I feel much better, but worried about the work that was missed on this page, although I was able to add another link (Legion of Mary) so all was for not.  I am thinking of applying for membership with the Association though I have no idea if they will accept me.  It would be a honor, however -membership would be the closest thing this old sinner would ever make it to a Religious Vocation.  Mercy, can one even imagine how life would have turned out if all and worked as I prayed and planned.  I would be 1) married to my first childhood sweetheart; or, 2) enlisted in the United States Navy as a Nurse; or 3) a Sister with the Order of the Carmalites.  The funny thing about all this mental rumination is, with the exception of marrying my first Sweetheart, (much prefere my current Sweetheart and husband of 21 years, I don’t think I would have chosen too badly or been too unsuccessful if I had chose either choice 2 or choice 3.

Funny how life turns out.  My life is well over half over, yet I sit here, in my warm little nest, happy and content, completely immersed in a life I love, and one I never even imagined.

I have honestly been working on this site for almost 1/2 of this day.  But it’s all the “behind the scenes” sort of stuff, not the fun stuff that gets you noticed.  Well, Duh.  I’m tired and going to call it closing time.  I hope all my friends are well and happy and we make it through another 24 hours.  One encouraging thing - it’s RAINING - yes RAINING in San Antonio, Texas - a wet, cold, gray day and no one is complaining considering we are (God Willing!) coming out of an 18 month drought.  Serious stuff - glad I won’t be around when we finally use up our beautiful little planet!